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User blog:Cdc1998/A New Face at Bullworth: Part 6
It's been about three weeks since I last spoke to Charlie. I have nothing against him, but he is the one who doesn't want any contact with any of the group. Me and Michael have tried to contact him, although Bradi and Jimmy are still angry with him. Me and Michael have tried talking to him in class, during lunch, after school, yet he doesn't even acknowledge us and just walks away. We even went to his Aunt's house in Old Bullworth Vale, where we knew he was staying, to try to talk to him, but the same thing happened. This has really made me start to wonder, is this the same Charlie I met on my first day? The same guy who was nice enough to invite me into his circle of friends? Now I'm unsure. If you cut off all contact with your friends all due to a fight, it really makes me wonder who you really are. Honestly, it's hypocritical what Charlie is doing. He claims he is one of the nicest people, yet he's ignoring his friends. It's childish. Then again, Jimmy and Bradi are also in the wrong. Yeah, I get it Charlie flipped out on them, but he was hungover, Bradi did make remarks and then Jimmy started arguing with Charlie just because he was arguing with Bradi. Also, it's been three weeks and you're still holding a grudge? Charlie has been your friend way before I met you both, and this is how you treat him over one fight? Both parties are in the wrong, but you're really just going to throw away a friendship over that? Basically, it's absolutely ridiculous. I like all of them, but this has to stop. I'm going to try my best to reunite everyone. As I make my way towards the football field to go see the football team practice, since I'm going to go hang out with some of the other Preps due to my boredom, I see Charlie sitting in the bleachers with some of the members of the other cliques. They're also playing some song from the '80s (at least, that's what I think of), which seems to be annoying the Preps. "Turn that off!" Gord yells in their direction. "Bite me. You can't appreciate good music, then don't listen to it," Charlie retorts. "Charlie, what exactly are you listening to?" Lefty asks. "It's 'Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before' by The Smiths. It's Alternative music," Charlie responds. "Doesn't sound like it," Casey responds. "Well not all Alternative music is bands like Green Day. There's The Smiths, Pixies and Sonic Youth just to name a few. Then again, I listen to a lot of genres," Charlie says. "Like what?" Lefty questions. "Indie, Alternative, Classic Rock, Grunge, Post-Grunge, Indietronica, Chillwave, Punk, Rap, Hip Hop, Psychedelic, New Wave, Glam Rock, Britpop, Garage Rock, Hard Rock, Metal, some Jazz, Instrumental, some Reggae, I could go on. I don't call myself a music guru for nothing," Charlie elaborates. "Well look at you, you fucking walking encyclopedia," Casey jokes. I stare at Charlie for a few seconds before going to go sit down with the Preps. As we watch the poor excuse of the football team's practice I mostly tune out what all the Preps are saying, since it all basically involves 'Daddy's fortune' this and 'I'm richer than you' that. Towards the end of practice I hear something interesting from where Charlie is sitting, so I decide to listen in. "So how's things with you & your friends?" Lefty asks. "What friends? They all hate me," Charlie responds. "Michael & everyone hates you?" "Well, not Michael. I think he's forgiven me for what happened. Edgar I'm unsure about. But Bradi and Jimmy still definitely hate me. They hate me because I defended myself when Bradi was making remarks and Jimmy initiated a fight because I yelled a his wittle girlfriend. Yeah, I know I fucked up. I fucked up bad and now they hate me for it, but I have the right to call people out if they want to make remarks about me." "Well you were hung over and she did egg you on, so you had a right to." "Yeah, I did, but I was in the wrong too. I know I'm not a perfect person, but that doesn't mean she should point out my faults all the time. But hey, they don't want to talk to me, I don't have to talk to them." When the football team is done we all get up to go head to our respective areas. As I'm walking towards the stairs I end up coming face to face with Charlie. As I stare on at him, I notice he's different from the last time I saw him. His (slightly longer) hair falls over his bloodshot, puffy, blue eyes. He's smoked marijuana recently. His stubble has become slightly thicker, making him look slightly older. His clothes are wrinkly. Doesn't even look like he bothered to look nice. He looks at me with a look of confusion, possibly wondering what I'm going to say. "Charlie-" I begin to say, before I get cut off by Tad. "Edgar, don't associate yourself with this bum. It makes our prestigious clique look bad, talking amongst lower class students," Tad says to me. "What was that? 'Bum'? Big talk coming from a fucking trust fund baby who's afraid of what Daddy will do if he doesn't acquire power in school," Charlie retorts. "At least I don't look like I came out of the gutter," Tad fires back. "At least I have pride within myself and don't need to surround myself with other people of my caliber to feel 'big'. Got a Napoleon Complex, don't you Tad?" "Well, at least I know I'm guaranteed to have income after I graduate. What will you do? Write? Here's something, how about you write my food order, pauper?" Tad remarks, which causes Charlie to now have an angry look on his face. "Hey, Charlie, I need-" I try to say, before I am cut off yet again. This time, it's by Charlie himself. "How about you go fuck yourself? Just stay away from me. All you rich kids are the same, feel you're better than everyone just because you have more money. Feel you're entitled to everything. Go take your stock broker daddy's money and shove it up your ass," Charlie angrily says to me, and walks away. The Preps chuckle at him as he walks away. "Don't mind him, Edgar. You know those poorer folks are quick to resort to anger," Tad says. I look at Tad in disgust. Sure, Charlie may not be as rich as you, but you're stereotyping him. You were the one who started with him by calling him a bum. You expected him to just be fine with it? I swear, some of these students live in their own fantasy worlds. Also, even though I know the anger wasn't directed towards me, what Charlie said honestly did make me slightly angry. I need to go talk to him. I'm hoping he'll be calm and I can try to get him to come back to the group (Group of friends, not the Preps. I'm pretty sure if he walked back here it would not end well). "Hey, Edgar, where are you going?" Gord questions me. "What's it to you? It's none of your business," I respond. I first stop at the Boys' Dorm, although there is no sign of Charlie. Then again, why would he be there if he left. Next, I walk outside the gate and begin making my way towards Old Bullworth Vale, since Charlie will most likely be making his way towards his Aunt & Uncle's house. It has also begun to downpour. Great, I love looking like a wet rat. When I reach the pier I notice the waves crash up against the shoreline as the rain begins to pepper the ground, causing people to run towards buildings for shelter. However, there is one lone person out on the dock. I'm gonna go on a hunch and say it's Charlie. When I make it to the end of the dock closer to the person, I find out my suspicions were right. It is none other than Charlie. When he sees me, he has a look of anger on his face, and then turns away from me. Looks like he didn't calm down. "What part of, 'Stay away from me,' don't you understand?" Charlie asks me. "Charlie, I really need to talk to you," I say to Charlie. "About what? If you expect me to come back to the group, you can kiss that goodbye." "We miss you, dude. You should-" "'We miss you?' 'We' as in Michael and possibly you? Jimmy and Bradi hate my guts, so I'm not coming back. I know I fucked up, but I'm not going to just stand there and act like everything's okay just so you and Michael feel as if the group is back together. Now, why don't you just go and fuck off, rich boy?" "I don't see what your problem is with me." "All you rich kids are the same. Have the perfect life, have the money, have all the opportunities, while people like me just have to actually work to try to be successful, yet we end up failing anyway." "You're just stereotyping us." "It's not a stereotype if it's true, kid." "You know, you're a real asshole, you know that?" I bluntly state. Damn, hearing that from my own mouth sounded harsh. However, Charlie chuckles at his. "Tell me something I haven't heard before," Charlie responds. "What's happened to you, Charlie?" "What do you mean by that?" "You're not the same Charlie that I met on my first day. You're not the person who openly welcomed me into a group of friends. You're not the person who helped slightly break me out of my shell. You're not you. Or was that all a charade? Did you just put on an act in order to look nice? Who are you? Who's the real you? I don't know if I've even ever met the real you! I mean, after all, you abandoned everyone after that one fight! Michael and I tried to get in contact with you but you just ignored us! Cut off all contact, over what? Because you didn't want to be around Jimmy and Bradi? You all have been friends even before I met you, and the fact that you all threw away that friendship over one little fight is idiotic! Then again, it could've all been a charade! Your friendships could have all been a charade for all I know. I want to know, Charlie, who is the real you?!" "The 'real' me? Trust me, you don't want to know the 'real' me." "And why's that?" "You won't like what you find out." "It can't be that bad. I mean, even though you claim I have a 'perfect' life just because I'm rich, it's not true. Sure, overall my life has been good. I do have money and am guaranteed to get into a college of my choice, but I got my own demons. We all do, but despite the fact that you go off on people when they make you angry, you're perfectly normal." "'It can't be that bad' You don't know the half of it." "Then elaborate! Instead of just beating around the bush come clean with everything! What could be so wrong?!" I say. I then look at Charlie, who finally turns back to look at me. "'What could be so wrong?' You must think that you've known sadness because you really didn't have much friends. And you must think you know a hard life because of working towards success even though you could be like the rest of the rich kids and buy your way there. You don't know what a hard life is. You haven't been through what I've been through? You wanna know the 'real' me? You want to know my life? You wanna know the reason I am the way I am?" Charlie asks. "Yes." "Like I said, you're not going to like what you hear. I didn't have a good upbringing. My father killed himself. I've grown up without a father the most of my life, so all I had was my mother and sister, and their side of the family. My father's side basically disowned me. I'm still in contact with my mother's side back home though. I've also grown up on both sides of the track. I've had to struggle to try to be successful. Luckily, my grades have paid off and I can get into college, but grades don't get you everywhere. Since I grew up without my father, I never had a male figure to look up to. My mother had to fill both roles of being a parent. She's done her best though with raising me, and I love her with all my heart for that. But without having someone to really look up to, I ended up really shy. I'm not the best with expressing my emotions. I always bottle things up and take comments to the heart. I'm a very sensitive person, but I put on an asshole attitude in order to look tougher than I actually am. If I didn't, I'd probably end up breaking down all the time. And the reason I smoke pot? It calms my nerves. It makes me forget about the shit I've gone through and get my mind on something else, like a girl's ass or a really good movie. If people really knew about me, about the life I've had, they wouldn't want to speak to me. They'd want noting to do with me. That's why I try to be the best I can. But it doesn't always work out. And just so you know, my whole nice side isn't some fucking charade like you said it is. That is the real me. I am a nice person. But, like I said, whenever people piss me off or hurt my feelings, I put on my asshole attitude. Trust me, I know I can be a real asshole. But if I'm not at times, I'd break down. Sadly though, it's a side of me Michael & the others have dealt with it numerous times, yet they don't know the reason WHY I can be that way. Why do you think I left? I know I pissed Bradi and Jimmy off, but I also figured they were tired of it, and they shouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I figured without my asshole side, things would be going better for them. But I can't help it. I can't help it that I can be an asshole. It's an instinct that just triggers so I don't look weak in front of people. I, I just need to get the fuck away from all this! Dammit! You happy now?! Huh, Edgar?! There you go, now you know the reason I am the way I am! Now you know the 'real' me!" I, I, I never new. I'd never expect Charlie of all people being this way. He's never even remotely told me anything about his past. He's probably only told bits and pieces to Michael and the others, yet they probably don't even know about all this. I regret what I said earlier. I may have my demons, but poor Charlie. Now I understand. I understand why he acts like an asshole at times. If he isn't, then he'll just break down and everyone will look at him differently. And while I can understand the reason he smokes, it is honestly bad for him. While he may view it as a way to relax, it's just taking a toll on his mindset and ends up causing him more stress. He really needs to relax and just forget about everything. Forget about Jimmy and Bradi being mad at him. Forget about all the school drama. Just forget that and make sure you're okay over everyone else. You can't just go on putting everyone ahead of you thinking the best for them when you yourself aren't emotionally okay. I walk up to Charlie, and I hug him. I usually never hug people, but he could really use one right now. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I never knew. I'm sorry I intruded on your privacy. I get it now, and I understand. But I just want to say I'm sorry," I say to Charlie. Charlie ends up crying, but I just let him and don't try to interfere. He needs to get this out of him. After a few minutes he collects himself. It's still raining. "I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to-" "Charlie, it's okay," I assure him. "No, it's not. I put all of that information on you and it's probably a lot to process," Charlie replies. He then gets an uneasy look on his face. "Edgar, I want to thank you for being here and understanding the reason I can be an asshole. I appreciate it. But, I just want you to know, I'm leaving. I'm leaving tonight." which utterly shocks me. Yeah, I think you should recuperate, but I meant by staying around your Aunt's house, not leave the city! "What?! Why?! Where are you going to go?!" I question him. "As I was having my moment I thought to myself, 'Why aIm I still in this town if it's causing me stress?' and I figured that I should just take a break from it all. I just think I need to get out of town. And I don't know yet. Look, just meet me back here tonight and I'll explain everything. And don't tell Michael or the others," Charlie explains, and then walks away from the pier, leaving me absolutely dumbfounded. Later That Night 9:30 PM As Charlie told me, I returned to the dock later that night. It's still raining. The moonlight was the only thing illuminating the streets, since most of the lamps were not turned on yet. I heard a song echo from a darkened car parked near the dock. It's a rather slow paced song, but it has a lot of guitar distortion. When I walked up to it I realized it's Charlie's car. He then steps out of the car to greet me. "I'm suprised, you actually showed," Chalie says to me. "You asked me to. I'm not going to let down a friend," I respond. "That's one thing I like about you, Edgar. You won't disappoint your friends no matter what. If only others had that trait," Charlie says. The song playing from his car has intrigued me, so I think I'm going to ask him what it is. "If you don't mind me asking, what's that song?" I ask him. "Mayonaise by Smashing Pumpkins," Charlie replies. "Pretty good song." "It's one of my favorite Pumpkins song. There's this instrumental song by this artist Bulb called Epic Fail that's really similar to this song. That's a good song too." "So, I hate to bring up the question, but what are you doing? You actually leaving?" "Yeah." "Why though? I still don't understand, what makes you want to leave?" "I just need some time away from here. Time away from the people. Honestly, you know how much I hate being here knowing my friends hate me and I can't talk to them?" "Michael and I don't." "I'd rather have ALL my friends be happy with me than only a few. I just need some time to myself, you know, so I can make sure I'm alright. I don't want to have another moment. I already have caused enough trouble, I don't need more." "You don't have to leave. You could just keep staying at your Aunt's house and Michael & I could try to work things out between you, Jimmy and Bradi." "Edgar, I get what you're trying to do, but please, I already have my mind made up." "I figured. It's just-" "You're going to hate to see me go, aren't you?" "Yes." "It'll be okay, dude. You still got Michael and the others to hang out with. I'm not purposely trying to abandon you, but I just need some time to clear my head." "Well what am I suppose to say to everyone when they ask where did you go?" I ask Charlie. He looks at me and pauses for a minute, contemplating what to say. "You really don't have to tell them anything. They'll figure it out, and I know I'll be getting some angry text messages soon enough." "Well are you coming back?" "You'll find out." "Seriously dude, don't speak in riddles to me. Give me a straight answer," I demand, which causes Charlie to look at me, suprised. "Some people call me a space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love-" "Charlie, I'm serious," I sternly state. "Relax dude, I'm just trying to lighten the mood. It's already emotional enough, I'm just trying to brighten things. Guess you can't handle a little Steve Miller," Charlie says. After a slight pause, he speaks up. "I'll most likely be back. It's not a guarantee, but I'll most likely come back." A few seconds later, Charlie looks down to check his cellphone and I can tell from the look on his face, he's going to be leaving soon. "Then... I guess this is goodbye for now," I say. "Yeah... Looks like it. Edgar, I just want you to know, it's been great having you around man. We may have had our differences, and I've probably had you questioning everything due to hanging out with me, but it was great becoming your friend," Charlie replies. "Same to you, man. And you're right. Thanks to being friends with you I've gained a better insight on people at the academy. But, I couldn't have asked for a greater friend," I say. "Well I should probably be heading out," Charlie says, and gets in to his car. "That's all? You're going to leave without a 'Goodbye'?" I question him. "I'm not the best with goodbyes," Charlie admits. Charlie then turns up his radio and begins driving off, and waves at me as he does. I then wave back to him. It was kind of a dick move with how he 'said' goodbye, but I can understand where he's coming from. I'll admit, it really does suck to see him go. I haven't been able to hang out with him to begin with, and now he's completly left town. I'm going to have to try to get Jimmy and Bradi to forgive him. I don't see how they can go without talking to their friend for so long. Also, it's going to be real awkward whenever Nicole comes back to visit. Hopefully, by then, we'll have everything back to normal. Until then, there's only one thing I can say. See you, Space Cowboy. I hope you'll come back to your senses and return. 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